wereleopard58 (wereleopard58) wrote in still_grrr,

Prompt 016: Doyle

Title Goodbye
Author Wereleopard58
Rating PG
Word Count 674
Prompt 016 Doyle
Pairing (if any)

It hurts. I think it always will. I still get choked up inside now just thinking about him. The pain and loneliness overwhelms me, it is like a black shroud of darkness that you can’t escape. I never thought I would be affected like this, not by him, not by anyone.

It is so hard to believe that he is gone. Allan Francis Doyle. The half- human, half-demon with an Irish lilt and a twinkle in his eyes. The thoughts of the trouble he got himself in and out of makes me smile, but it also make the pain worse. I feel like I have a black hole in my chest and it’s expanding and soon it will consume everything and there will be nothing left

Doyle managed to get past my all defences and become the best friend I neither expected nor wanted. I never realised until it was too late and now I will never have the chance to tell him. I wish he knew how much of a difference he made in my life, how he changed me. What he meant to my humanity.

I could talk to Doyle about anything. He would listen, give me his opinion but most of all he would make me laugh and now that is all gone and all I have are the memories.

There was something about him that got under your skin; he did the same to Cordelia. Doyle was unusual. At first I just thought he was just strange, well I still do but that became one of the things I liked about him. He was always just himself.

But that one-day, his final day, his final moments are burned into my memory, it will always haunt me. Doyle had once told me that maybe I was the real deal in the hero department. He never thought that he was, that he never could be. That he did not have the strength, but he did and he proved it that night and that was when he became my hero. Now I have something to prove, I won’t let him down. I will get my redemption and he will be the one who led me there.

I was prepared to sacrifice my life. I’ve had a long one, seen many things and have done many things that I am not proud of. I wanted, I needed him to understand who I am now, that he could trust me. I hope he knew that.

The next thing I knew I was shaking and clearing my head. He had hit me, the shock kept me frozen for just a moment. Then I realised what he was going to do but with all my speed I was still not fast enough. That is a fear that is still deep within me that I will lose someone else because I was simply not good enough to get to them in time.

I called his name out again and again he just turned and smiled. I have not cried often but I did then and just thinking about it my tears fall.

I was honoured and proud to have known him. Doyle had risked it all and saved us.

In all my years of existence I cannot remember feeling such pain as when the light had gone and so had Doyle. I now feel that I am still in the dark; he was a bright light in my life.

Doyle has now become a part of me and always will, as will the pain. If I ever lose that I will have forgotten him and I never want that to happen.

And here I sit and watch the tape of Doyle, it is the only thing I have left to remind me of him. I hear him say, "Is that it? Am I done?"

Yes my friend it is and you are. There is only one thing left to do, the hardest thing, to let go.

My friend I love you. I always will and goodbye.

Tags: 011-020, angel, ats, doyle, ficlet, pg, wereleopard58
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